Where is the hickey?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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