he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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