wat bout pragnant strippers??
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
