I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
