I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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