Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
wow bdsm is so cute
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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