well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
