I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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