We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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