i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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