It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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