Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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