This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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