You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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