chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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