He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
