Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
