I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
