they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
