Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
