I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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