she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
