It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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