You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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