i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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