woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
