i think i have two assholes
Girls should come with a carfax report
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
