The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
