Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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