I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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