Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
