We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
