.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
