Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
