I'm really into asian looking animals
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
