Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
