There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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