You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
