Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
