He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
