sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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