do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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