wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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