the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
