ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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