it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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