He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
