I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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