you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
