Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
