I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
