My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
