I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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